Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.

if i only knew what regret meant

yes, you're just listening to my boring rants

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

life.

when i was a child, i remember people asking me what i wanted to be when i grew up - it never failed that my answer was forever changing. once i reached the adult world, it seemed like what i wanted to be was out of reach, therefore i settled on making a living instead. now i find myself searching for a more in-depth reason to explain the child i once was, the adult i currently am, and the kind of person i wanted to be.

once i figure out where i have been, or who i once was, i can add in where i am now, or who i am now, then I can begin to think about where I want to go, or who I want to be, and what I need to do to accomplish this goal. perhaps i can think of it as a mathematical type of equation, a +b = 2b +c. all in all it is a fairly long, drawn out, complicated equation which requires a great deal of inner searching, and delving into my past, and present affairs. after i have gathered all necessary information i must begin to put it all tofether and hope the pieces of my life's puzzle will fit together, so then i may sit down and take an analytical look at what has been, in hopes of finding the answer to search for my self. over the years i have pondered whether or not i was living the kind of life i was meant to live. when i think about where i have been and all i have done, i sometimes wonder if i have chosen the right paths to travel down. perhaps i could be living a life of ease, or one filled with fame and fortune. perhaps i could have made a name for myself, one that would live in the history books forever. perhaps i could have been of service to others. in spite of all my perhaps, i cannot change where i have been or where i am now. instead i must use my knowledge to uncover the truth of my self, in order to discover the kind of person i should be. i am confident that when all is said and done i will discover the various ethics, morals, standards and values that are alive and well in the world today, may create a definite dilemma to me and to anyone else who may be in search of self. the choices of how i should live, are many and all people have their own opinions of what is morally correct, and what is not. the kind of person i should be may just be the kind of person i already am today.

or maybe not.

astrocow
11:59