Monday, September 29, 2008
end of the line.
what a busy week.. sorry for the hiatus guys. am back now, alive and kicking - or am i? i gotta be strong and hold these tears back.
"Beautiful" is what you are,
those who wanna know the result of the fiasco, here it is. i paid them another $35, so meaning i got the $15 they collected = $400 rental, no more no less. but they still have not fixed the damn heater. not helping, but i can't breakdown in the office.
"And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" - for real?
i had actually written another piece meant to posted up by last friday, but time was really too tight. due to the sequences of events, i'm replacing it with another one. it's too late, i'm weak.
"I Could Get Used To This", maybe, hopefully.
somehow it seems like the songs i received tell a story.
ever realised when people tell you they've signed on the dotted line as they get married, a dotted line is a broken line? i don't know, go figure.
* * * * *
i know i cant express
this feeling of tenderness
there's so much i wanna say
but the right words just dont come my way
i just know when i'm in your embrace
this world is a happy place
* * * * *
need... more and more
tainted misery
bleed... battle scars
chemical affinity
reign... legacy
innocence corrode
stain... rot away
catatonic overload
bloodline... redefine
death contagious deity
scorch... kill the light
nothing but a fallacy
choke... asphyxia
snuff reality
reaper... butchery
karma amputee
new consequence machine
you burn through all your gasoline
asylum overtime
nevermind...
you've reached the end of the line
time... choke the clock
steal another day
die... faithfully
narcissistic fade away
dead hourglass of time
spilt sand we will never find
we gather here today and say goodbye
cause i've reached the end of the line
twisted... jump the rail
shatter the crowd below
breaker... chase the ghost
from latest high to all-time low
well its alright, riding around in the breeze
well its alright, if you live the life you please
well its alright, doing the best you can
well its alright, as long as you lend a hand
you can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
waiting for someone to tell you everything
sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
maybe a pill or a diamond ring
well its alright, even if they say you're wrong
well its alright, sometimes you gotta be strong
well its alright, as long as you got somewhere to lay
well its alright, everyday is judgement day
maybe somewhere down the road aways
you'll think of me, and wonder where I am these days
maybe somewhere down the road when somebody plays
purple haze
well its alright, even when push comes to shove
well its alright, if you got someone to love
well its alright, everything will work out fine
well its alright, we're going to the end of the line
don't have to be ashamed of the car I don't drive
i'm just glad to be here, happy to be alive
it don't matter; if you're by my side
i'm satisfied
well its alright, even if you're old and grey
well its alright, you still got something to say
well its alright, remember to live and let live
well its alright, the best you can do is forgive
well its alright, riding around in the breeze
well its alright, if you live the life you please
well its alright, even if the sun dont shine
well its alright, we're going to the end of the line
* * * * *
or maybe i havent blogged because i was happy enough not to.
astrocow
13:08
Friday, September 19, 2008
bitch-fit
ok this post i'm about to make may get me sued or get the blog closed down but i don't give a damn.
fuck malays, fuck muslim, fuck islam, fuck allah, fuck mecca, fuck all things with a songkok/tudung. love pork, roast pork especially.
ok why the sudden outburst? for those who know, i rented a room outside to stay at 400 per month. there was this time my friend came over to bathe so the fucking landlord asked me to pay $15 for that, wtf? go swimming pool bathe $5 still can buy a plate of bee hoon lo.
ok nvm, $15 small money give them la. a few weeks ago the heater was spoilt again. it was initially spoilt when i moved in and they repaired it after i came (like after 3 weeks?) so i was bathing in cold water before that. so this month's rental i paid them 350, 50 for the electricity i didnt get to use. the fucking idiot then said i make the heater spoilt?! and say i spoilt the heater they never ask me pay good enough alr. wth, i didnt even touch it after they repaired? i mean, the power switch was left on and each time i went to bathe all i did was to turn the knob? lidat can spoil?
and they say i "use electricity very high". high lampa la. i use fan, light and charge hp - lidat will high ah? summore most of the days i not at home, at home also for like 8 hours only a day (to sleep).
i shoot them back then they say "pls i not blaim u ok" LOL telekom, telefone ah? stupid idiot duno how to spell. not "blaim" me then what? try to be indian and make roti prata ah? try harder ok. then they say i got no right to deduct 50 from the rent. why no right? your heater spoil i cannot use the electricity leh bodoh.
"i let u rent $400 is very cheap already" if you think too little then that time still rent it out? nobody take one pig to your house and force you what!
fucking retards.
i took the following from wikipedia.
"This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion."
revelation of verse 3 of Surah al-Maeda (whatever the fuck that is)
perfect religion my ass. there's no such thing as a perfect religion unless your religion is utopia-ism.
"The Qur'an describes many Biblical prophets and messengers as Muslim: Adam, Noah (Arabic: Nuh), Moses (Arabic: Mūsā) and Jesus (Arabic: ˤĪsā) and his apostles. The Qur'ān states that these men were Muslims because they submitted to God, preached his message and upheld his values. "
wa so means what, submit to God = you're a muslim ah? lidat the whole world die, might as well kill all the pigs in the world, luckily i'm a cow. then what? jesus also muslim ah, brown colour jesus, never see before leh. he's only brown in the shroud of turin and even then it has not been scientifically proven that the shroud is authentic due to mistakes in carbon 14 radioactive dating.
"Currently, the number of Muslims is estimated to be 1.3 billion"
sia la, same as china's population lol imagine the whole china all muslim LOL
yaya in case i still haven made my point clear, my landlord's malay. zzz
astrocow
14:47
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
hung out to dry
silent screams, echoes of fright
empty voices fill the night
all around i hear the cries
of tormented souls with sightless eyes
lost and forlorn, never to be free
spirits of the damned call out to me
when they talk to me, they tell me so
that it's time to leave, it's time to let go
these voices i hear, these silent screams
cry out that life is not all it seems
we have one chance in hell to do this right
else we'll just be screams lost in the night
too many sins committed
too many to be counted
wash me up and let me fly
to later hang me out and dry
but before that,
think of the things that go through our mind
make a good rummage, what would we find
bits of love and broken hearts
memories of romance fallen apart
a shard of pain, pieces of regret
snapshots of faces, people we have met
a hint of kiss from our very first date
the moments we cherish, the feelings of hate
emotions are scattered, they litter our minds
a mess in our heads, for us later to find
the times spent with loved ones, that give us such pleasure
are balanced by teardrops, still moments to treasure
all these memories of various kinds
are safely secured by doors of our mind
hard to forget no matter how hard we try
so just hang us up and spin us dry
a million hearts have touched me
a million arms embraced
a million tears have fallen
for the millions i have met
i look into the mirror
see the child and not the man
one who gets lonely and scared
not knowing who i am
lost am i in this world
but one i've made myself
following the footsteps of many
where love drugs and wealth
has become a poison
that runs right through my veins
but i cannot point the finger
for there is no one else to blame
will this nightmare never end
with want i have to try
to save the man inside of me
so hang me out to dry
maybe one day i will master
of being happy instead of sad
let the mask fall from my face
and contemplate all i never had
* * * * *
cleanse me of my sins, make me ready for the one.
i'm 23 now but will i live to see 24
the way things are going now, i duno.
astrocow
14:44
Thursday, September 11, 2008
the musical mirrors
sometimes i really wonder what are we to make of this life that has been given to us. what do we make of it? study, work, die. why give us all the opportunities for emotion when we are meant to die at the end of it all? all good things come to an end but why should it be when they are good? we are nothing but pieces in a game, throw of dice - make your move and our fate we must accept. but who throws these dice?
urgh, uber random. just feeling slightly emo. i need my own personal space, need a break from everything but i cant and i won't get it.
anybody knows of a place where i can sit in serenity? anybody wants to go with me? =p
the mask is hard to remove because it has been there for many years now. i try to look happy for those around me, i try to not affect their mood with my own. that's the reason why i'm crappy like i am at times.
enough.
even number of chairs
odd man out
not a game to share
always leaving somebody out
music starts, move around
find your chair at the end of the sound
music stops, take your seat
do not be caught on your feet
the search begins
find yourself a place
this game excludes
there's no time to waste
when the search has ended
have you found your chair?
acceptance and good friends
are so very rare
a new game has begun
music starts
music stops
everyone gets a chair except for the exiled one
he is cast away
for he has no chair
a thing commonly done
in a world cruel and unfair
he walks away
without a chance given
he walks alone
without a reason for living
the years have passed so fast
it seems like only yesterday
so many memories in the past
as a child when i would play
i had the world before me
and so much time to grow
so many things that i'd be
but how was i to know
we search our lives for gold
we seek it high and low
but we cant elude growing old
there is nowhere to go
time is our true treasure
cherish it to the end
derive from it the pleasure
allow time to be your friend
the next time you see me
i'll be a different man
it might confuse you at first
but in time you'll understand
i'll be a better person
i'll be nice to everyone
i'll help those in need
and i'll do it all as fun
i'll change for the better
the way most people should
i'll change for me and everyone else
and how they all wish they could
only the results of my choice
can affect my life to come
without a sound from my voice
i'll appreciate each last crumb
i won't take advantage
of anyone or anything
and i won't become
another broken wing
you must respect everyone
for they are people too
they too struggle with life
some worse than you
with one deep breath
and a slow blink of my eyes
i stare deeply into my soul
and then i realise
the next time u see me
i'll be a different man
i'll be greater than ever imagined
and i'll say this is how it all began
so i turned from the mirror
and walked away with a smile
for the journey i'm about to take
is sure to be worthwhile
fuck i should stop talking to myself, shut up cow.
i feel like stopping. in fact i don't like what i'm writing more and more.
astrocow
15:48
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
the god(dess) has spoken
this is what i heard from the up above - thanks for the mail =)
Travelling through this shifting sands,
I told myself, I’d have plans.
Slogged hard in my pants,
But nobody gave me a chance.
I want to take off this mask,
I want to gain your trust.
In happiness I would bask,
But I fret about my past.
Look here, I care for you.
I hope you know tis’ true.
It sucks to see you blue,
Don’t be a man of somber hue.
This world is but a passing phase,
Soon we’ll all be out of this maze.
Where we will stand amazed,
In the presence of His face.
Till then, I’ll proudly say in the light,
“I have fought a good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.”
* * * * *
this is what i have in return for her.
who cannot see on a blustery day
a colourful kite on a background of grey
displayed in the heavens on a thin piece of wire
as the wind pushes on it goes higher and higher
a lesson to learn from this, such a price
i see in my mind as i glance the skies
a lesson i feel in my heart now for two
as this little kite depicts me and you
the kite is the friendship we two share
the words we exchange like wind in the air
if these words were not spoken, we should fear
our friendship would vanish, our kite disappear
so please don't worry that your words were too strong
between us they are and there they belong
for now they have cleared the haze from the air
and ours clearly seen, is the highest kite there
chatting, laughing and the games we play
you make it a worthwhile day
it seems so silly on just a machine
how someone can reach you and make you forget everything
* * * * *
this is for the rest of my friends in case they get jealous lolololol
my beloved ones,
when i leave, do not grieve over me
once released of its cage
my spirit will be in all that you see
the wind that touches your skin
the sun that warms your hearts
the sea with its waves rolling endlessly
the fertile earth where all life starts
the moon and stars that guide you in the dark
more than that, my dears
you'll find little pieces of me in my works
that showed all my hopes and fears
my paintings in their colourful hues
but even more so i am to be found
in the hearts of all the lives i touched upon
where my seeds of love grew safe and sound
developing into beautiful strong trees
trees bringing forth seeds, that will allow the message of friendship and love to be spread eternally.
astrocow
16:34
Monday, September 08, 2008
inspiration-less
hmm cant squeeze anything decent out. tml then try again hehe i owe somebody something - tml it shall be @#$!@! sorry huh, jus cant find words enough =p
so.... i'll make a complete post tml ^_^
anyway, frens i have an announcement to make! MY PHONE IS SPOILT!!! I CAN'T FRIGGIN SMS!!! so anything please call me!! i can't reply any sms!! STUPID PHONE!! @#$#@$!$
so dun go thinking i ignore u all ok, i can't reply =p
astrocow
18:22
Saturday, September 06, 2008
the twisted mind
spider, spider, web must be done
spider, spider, almost done
spider, spider, only one
spider spider, web is done
yes, yes, i'll get paid
yes, yes, wages paid
yes, yes, fortune made
all gone now when rent is paid
life, life, must you hurt
life, life, you must hurt
life, life, stop and spurt
life, life, oh such hurt
it all ends in a single moment
the whole world pays for atonement
excruciating pain and then we're free
and back comes the mediterranean sea
wings rip out from my back
there is no real need for tact
true bodies come at a hefty price
but not money or anything nice
we all wear an atrocious mask
to accomplish each tiny little task
we hide the truth beneath the lies
but it can be seen within our eyes
in my life i've come to see
that this is just false reality
sugar coated half truths
make up a living noose
calling others pagans but i am really so much more
i am alien to the core
i am hidden now because of what i feel
my subtle fear grew and grew
fearing what i dont understand
hidden is how i'm forced to walk this land
soul beneath a human face
this body i long to erase
you say you're sweet, you say u're kind
buy by malicious cruelty through time you are truly defined
paralyzing fear breeds blind hatred
chaining me to a blood drenched bed
someday i'll look into the mirror and smile at what i've become, just not today
someday i'll be surrounded by my closest friends all chummy, just not today
someday my nephew will look into my eyes and not see the shame 1 feel for a life i've wasted, just not today
someday i'll look into my mother's eyes and see the pride she feels for me, just not today
someday a lady will see me for who i truly am on the inside and love me forever because of it, just not today
someday i'll forgive myself for all the mistakes i've made, just not today
someday i'll look back on all that i've accomplished and think to myself "i've done well", just not today
someday i'll wake up with a clear conscience, just not today
someday i'll be able to talk to god without guilt, just not today
someday i'll stop pretending to be stronger than i really am, just not today
someday i'll not hate myself for my own foolish weaknesses, just not today
someday i'll have a perfect life and everything will be alright, just not today
maybe someday i'll stop lying to myself, just not today.
* * * * *
it seems like my mind thinks "better" when i'm tired? idk, falling sick or i think i'm already sick. this sucks. helppppppppppp. there is but just a small glimmer of hope left, i shall persevere. go cow.
who am i kidding lololol, i'm just not cut out for this
astrocow
01:06
Monday, September 01, 2008
no apologies
alamak i blog halfway knock off already. lol tml i come back continue =)
* * * * *
haha i'm back as promised =)
in my mind i'm a fighter, my heart's a lighter
my soul is the fluid, my flow sparks it brighter
but arsenic writer, often with arthritis
stuck in the tunnel, starting to shit this
hard headed and hot headed, bull headed and pig headed
dick headed a brick, a big headache i'm sick
quick with it for every word to spit
there are always people in the wings for me to slip with it
so quit this dynamite stick, bury the wick
its gonna explode any minute, someone will tick
lit it and it's not heavy, do not tell me to stop yelling
when i stop selling i'll quit so, stop dwelling
i am not failing, you fuckers are not ready
cos i got jelly, like jizzin' on your pot belly
this is destiny, yes money, i'm off running, so get off of me
i'm not slowing or softening
my head hits the pillow, a weeping willow
i cant sleep, a pain so deep it bellows
but these cellos, help just to keep me mellow
hands on my heads, touch knees to elbows
i'm hunched over, emotion just flows over
these cold shoulders are both frozen, you dont know me
i keep saying it, i cant stress it enough
so keep saying it and stand next to the pubs
these real words got you feeling me
whether willing or unwillingly, you still agree
as long as there's still this hunger, will in me
then expect a longer life expectancy
i'd be a savage beast
if i didnt had this outlet to salvage me
inside, i'd be exploding soaked in self loathing
an mourning so i'm warning you don't coax me
it's silly, but really its sheep in wolves clothing
who only reacts when he gets pushed dont we
fool, strangers blow up this whole thing
it's stupid, they don't know cos they don't see
that i'm wounded, all they did was ballooned it
i'm sick of talking bout these issues like i did
thats why i turned it out, i'm duking
they can suck my dick while i'm puking, and you too you can
expect no sympathy from me
this is how i'm supposed to be
cold as liquid nitro, my heart's frozen it dont even beat
so expect no apologies
no apologies, nah suckers i'm not sorry
you can all sue me, y'all could be the cause of me
no apologies, y'all feeling the force of me
no remorse for me, like there was no recourse for me
no apologies, not even acknowledging you at all
till i get a call that God's coming
no apologies, laugh fuckers its all funny
i could spit in your face while you're standing across from me
no apologies
astrocow
17:58