Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.

if i only knew what regret meant

yes, you're just listening to my boring rants

Sunday, November 16, 2008

betrayal love, complicated mirth

love is sometimes a word too strong to say too early
but a feeling too beautiful to say too late

when will the cheating ever stop
when all your efforts come to naught
perhaps only when i leave
the sorrow starts to cleave

at my sorry heart
of which you were once a part
a part that i held so dear
that i almost lived in fear

fear of losing you
of how you really feel
i believed in love
my belief was not a curve

straight as an arrow
which i used to follow
i want to believe again
even if there's nothing to gain

the times we shared
when u really cared
its hard to leave behind
think i'm losing my mind

betrayal is hard to take
all it takes is one mistake
for the faith to wane
for the neverending rain

to pour in torrents such
that your eyes cant see much
what's in front of you
much less how you feel

i'm now at a loss
wondering what's the cost
if i stopped this facade
how deep would the cut, go

my side,
is it any wonder i'm tired
is it any wonder that i feel uptight
is it any wonder i don't know what's right

sometimes it's hard to know where i stand
maybe it's a puzzle i don't understand
sometimes i get the feeling that i'm stranded in the wrong time
where love is just a word in a children's rhyme

nothing left inside this bold cathedral
just the sad, lonely spires
how does one make it right
how do i to put up a brilliant fight

after the misery you have made
is it any wonder i'm afraid
is it any wonder i feel betrayed
when perhaps it is more than fate

to love is to risk not being loved in return
to hope is to risk pain
to try is to risk failure
but risk must be taken because
the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
but should i really risk your feelings

* * * * *

have you ever been in love? it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. you give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it. they did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. it's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love.

astrocow
07:03