Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.

if i only knew what regret meant

yes, you're just listening to my boring rants

Saturday, September 06, 2008

the twisted mind

spider, spider, web must be done
spider, spider, almost done
spider, spider, only one
spider spider, web is done

yes, yes, i'll get paid
yes, yes, wages paid
yes, yes, fortune made
all gone now when rent is paid

life, life, must you hurt
life, life, you must hurt
life, life, stop and spurt
life, life, oh such hurt

it all ends in a single moment
the whole world pays for atonement
excruciating pain and then we're free
and back comes the mediterranean sea

wings rip out from my back
there is no real need for tact
true bodies come at a hefty price
but not money or anything nice

we all wear an atrocious mask
to accomplish each tiny little task
we hide the truth beneath the lies
but it can be seen within our eyes

in my life i've come to see
that this is just false reality
sugar coated half truths
make up a living noose

calling others pagans but i am really so much more
i am alien to the core
i am hidden now because of what i feel
my subtle fear grew and grew

fearing what i dont understand
hidden is how i'm forced to walk this land
soul beneath a human face
this body i long to erase

you say you're sweet, you say u're kind
buy by malicious cruelty through time you are truly defined
paralyzing fear breeds blind hatred
chaining me to a blood drenched bed

someday i'll look into the mirror and smile at what i've become, just not today
someday i'll be surrounded by my closest friends all chummy, just not today
someday my nephew will look into my eyes and not see the shame 1 feel for a life i've wasted, just not today
someday i'll look into my mother's eyes and see the pride she feels for me, just not today

someday a lady will see me for who i truly am on the inside and love me forever because of it, just not today
someday i'll forgive myself for all the mistakes i've made, just not today
someday i'll look back on all that i've accomplished and think to myself "i've done well", just not today
someday i'll wake up with a clear conscience, just not today

someday i'll be able to talk to god without guilt, just not today
someday i'll stop pretending to be stronger than i really am, just not today
someday i'll not hate myself for my own foolish weaknesses, just not today
someday i'll have a perfect life and everything will be alright, just not today

maybe someday i'll stop lying to myself, just not today.

* * * * *

it seems like my mind thinks "better" when i'm tired? idk, falling sick or i think i'm already sick. this sucks. helppppppppppp. there is but just a small glimmer of hope left, i shall persevere. go cow.

who am i kidding lololol, i'm just not cut out for this

astrocow
01:06