if i only knew what regret meant

yes, you're just listening to my boring rants

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

dots (lil red ones)

oh my gosh oh my gosh!! i saw myself on tv!! (ok i noe i sound like a childish freak) LOL

but damn, i look so retarded. >.<

astrocow
21:14


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

promises

made are meant to be kept. i just haf a problem with keeping them. especially when it has to do with something i haf very little control over. i hate myself for that part of me. help. i'm a terrible partner.

i'm sorry.

astrocow
03:18


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

life's a bitch struggle

came across this guy a couple of years ago. he died when he was 23 in 2002, just when his music was starting to take shape. however he only got noticed after he died. reason of death? cancer. the lyrics are blunt, raw, dark and reveals a side of life that chinese songs nowadays (that suffer from a lack of sophistication) can’t match up to. the topics are so in your face with reality that the rest of the chinese music industry seems like a big joke with all their lovey-dovey shit. ok maybe i am exaggerating but he really would beat all hands down especially with his most acclaimed single titled "Life's A Struggle".

here you go. 宋岳庭 - Life's A Struggle

正當我睁开双眼踏入这个世界
妈妈给我生命现在让我自生自灭
这让我恐惧在我的眼里每个人都戴着面具
回想过去难道生命就是这样延续?
我抽烟抽得我的肺都黑了
就像整个社会被人心笼罩着它也是黑的
我背着宿命的十字架
也渴望power, paper and respect
我想这大概就是human nature
佛家说烦恼即是菩提我暂且不提
我倒是希望能够回到母体
老妈对不起我时常把你气得跺脚
你说你后悔当初没有把我堕掉
每当我放学回家放下那沉重的背包
家里空无一人只残留着你香水的味道
那时我知道你那天晚上又要加班
我打开冰箱拿出微波炉吃冰的晚餐
老爸在凌晨两点钟醉醺醺地回家
我从睡梦中醒来只听到你们在吵架
我没有办法专心面对第二天的考试
老师他不喜欢我我也不喜欢老师
我讨厌穿制服我讨厌学校的制度
我讨厌训导主任的嘴脸讨厌被束缚
that's true
很多人不屑我的态度他们说我太cool
警察不爽我都曾将我逮捕
i don't give a fuck about 人家说什么他们想说什么
就说什么但是他们算什么
没有谁有权利拿他的标准衡量我
主宰是我自己随便人家如何想我还是我
爱钱的女人只给凯子摸
不懂得用保险套的人别嫌孩子多
金钱力量虽大却生不带来死不带走
紧握着双拳的人们何时能松开手?

**life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

法庭严肃的空气逼得我快不能呼吸
当时面临着终生监禁的我开始反省
铁栏杆之后又是个截然不同的景象
刑犯们眼神中看不到一点和平的气象
仅有一寸短的铅笔写的是监狱风云
日记上描绘的不是美好的户外风景
自由在他们眼里才是憧憬
放一把自制武器在枕头旁以防随时有人偷袭
有些人怀疑老婆在外偷情
有些人把家人寄来的信件一张一张好好收集
有些人二十四小时几乎在床上休息
有些人精神失常因为受不了打击
三个月如火如荼的漫长等待已过去
出狱后的我得面对三年的缓刑期
这也好一生中第一次感觉到幸福
但生命中的考验何止如此我不清楚
我不知道接下来还有什么会发生
翻开报纸的新闻又是看到放火杀人
还记得某年无意间发现的照片
上面有阿姨对男人施行口交的恶心画面
这简直摧毁了她在我心目中的形象
我无法忘怀照片中那笑容多么淫荡
我抵抗胸口存在着不安及惶恐
我不断听到痛苦的声音在内心怒吼

**life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

不论我走到天南不论我走到地北
不论我走到哪都见识到人心的虚伪
it's kinda funny 在人的眼里只有money
外表好像要帮你却只是想帮他自己
笑容可掬的脸后面谁知道是个狼心狗肺
连朋友都能背叛因为只有名利合他口味
她说她爱你的时候讲的是问心无愧
搞不好她爱的是你身后的荣华富贵
你可曾困惑在你身旁谁是敌是友对
你落井下石的可能就是你的挚友
你可曾经历当你最需要帮助的时候
平常跟你称兄道弟的人都突然失踪
亲爱的神伟大的神
你可以怪我想法太过无知但我只是人
我不信人因为人也不信我
不要问我为什么我最多只能告诉你这就是我
生命像海浪一样有时高有时低
你是否告诉自己坚强渡过各种时期
我從命運的天台放眼卻看不到星空
漆黑的天空壓在頭頂使我不得輕鬆
在我心中 找不到一個安靜的角落
我不能再沈睡下去 良心彷彿在笑我
它在說:有幾天幾夜老媽曾經為你以淚洗面
老爸他只顧己見 希望之火只見熄滅
我接起電話是老爸憔悴的聲音
雖沒見面卻不難想像他當時的神情
剛聽完他最近失業的消息
腦海裡馬上浮現祖母的話 警告我一定要爭氣
我已經放棄所有哭的理由
因為我早就習慣冷漠活在無情的現實裡頭
人生要如何起頭 改變要如何起手
當活在泥沼中 要如何才能金盆洗手

**life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…


Uh life's a struggle
yeah life's a struggle

i noe its going to be tuff for pple who aint chinese orientated, but i assure u. its worth the read.

R.I.P. Shawn

let me noe if u guys want the song.

astrocow
00:25


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

the pegasus

Pegasus was a winged horse and good flyer. The Pegasus was the result of the ill fated mating of Medusa and Poseidon. (ill fated?? hmm) It was born from Medusa when her head was cut off (ouch).

wad a beginning such an elegant creature (to me at least) has.. wad revelation. who on earth would haf known that the Pegasus actually came from Medusa??!! they are like worlds apart can.

just some random blogging after a conversation with my honey regarding greek mythology hehe =)

astrocow
02:19


I am an object lost in space
I am fear without a face
I am future without meaning
I am helping without feeling

I am twisted and deranged
I am alone in this cage
I can help if help need be
But there's a monster inside of me

He fights for freedom and control
There's a monster in my soul
Leave me without knowing why
Or run the risk of losing your life

I'll care for you, wipe away your tears
And scare away your darkest fears
For darkness is my dearest friend
And with it all my time I spend

Left all alone in my cage
Anger gives its way to rage
I fight for freedom and control
From the monster in my soul

I am weak for I always lose
Madness the escape I choose
If you should meet me on the street
Know insanity is what you'll greet

Stay not long within my presence
For it'll strike you with a vengeance
Then we both shall slip down the slope
The slope of madness without hope


welcome to my humble abyss




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