Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

deflation

everybody, just imagine that you're a balloon. a balloon that has too much air pumped into it. There's only so much air that it can take, only so much that the skin can stretch. and once stretched to its limit, it'll burst.

I'm like that overstretched balloon now. Reaching its limit soon. And just remember, before you pump any more air in me, gimme some time to deflate first. Or I'll burst in ur face...

oh anyway, i appeared in SNAG magazine. March/April issue. was regarding the competition at Momo that we won. just some pictures, nothing spectacular.

Sigh, back to me. It really is depressing, i need some sort of happy medicine. Are there any around? Any recommendations?

astrocow
13:40

Monday, April 24, 2006

printf("uck")

just finished my computing paper a couple of hours ago. hope i'll survive.

printf("uck")

This is crazy, I just made like 4 posts within an hour. Oh and it's lionel's birthday todae. Ethan has just been discharged from the hospital. Not really sure what happened but hope all's well. Very sad. All of us drifted after parting ways. It really is hard. Takes 2 hands to clap. Sometimes mine moves, sometimes their's moves. But we hardly ever made any sound from then on.

Sigh.

I need a break ~~from this life of mine.~~ It's tiring.
*plonk*

astrocow
15:14

show me colours (again)

decided to do the Colorgenics test again. Different order of colours now, still eerie.

You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.

You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love.

It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.Your inherent powers and perseverance are in danger of being overwhelmed by excessive stress. You have a great deal of resilience which is being overtaxed by the continued attempt to overcome existing difficulties but you are sticking to your objectives in spite of the intolerable pressure.

After considerable reflection you believe that it is impossible to reverse the situation and so you would truly like to be free of it altogether.Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.

astrocow
15:07

The Irony Of In Between

"Is when you don't grieve over love lost because you have someone new.

But you can't love anew with all your heart when some part of it is still with another.

So where you're at is a curious in-between; a no man's land devoid of true warmth.

Only a glimmer of hope; a flash of salvation; a feeble flame that flickers in the wind. "

adapted from Wuss in Boots

I'm very glad that at least some of the people around still know what they are doing and keeping in touch with their innerself. No point digging your head into the sand like an ostrich. Thanks wussy.

astrocow
15:01

show me colours (of the night)

just did this test. eerie.

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.

Nobody seems to understand you at this moment for everything you suggest or do seems to be taken up the wrong way. All of this misunderstanding is leading to anxiety and stress. The situation naturally is not as you would like it to be - you feel that you are being treated most unfairly and that trust, affection and understanding are being withheld from you and that you are being treated with a demeaning lack of consideration. You consider yourself being denied the appreciation essential to your well being and self-esteem and that there is nothing you can do about it. You feel that whatever you try to do to change the situation, you are getting nowhere fast. You would really like to get away from it all but can't find the energy or the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

The tensions and stresses that you have experienced of late have been the result of trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond your capabilities. You feel completely inadequate to cope with the situation and you would like nothing better to escape from it all and to be able to relax in a problem and pressure free environment where you can do your thing.

astrocow
14:40

Sunday, April 23, 2006

............ wait a minute

exams are seriously screwing me up big time, or should i say I'm screwing up my exams big time? Can't wait for them to be over as soon as possible, gawd. I'm becoming a nocturnal creature now - I go to sleep when the sun rises and wake up when the sun sets. Trademark of a vampire? I don't know, you tell me. *looking around for blood*

a fren of mine showed me this gay blog [Colin and Kero] and I'm flabbergasted to say the least. They are Singapore's latest celebrities!! I really admire them for being so brave and coming out of the closet. I even saw a tag from this "Fred" guy who claims he's from the Newpaper and wants to interview them. Let's see if anything comes out of it at all. I've been monitoring their tagboard for quite some time now and it seems like pple have been really insensitive and putting up really nasty tags. I mean c'mon, these pple are just like any one of us out here. The fact that they are gay do not make them alien or mutants for that matter. They still breathe the air we breathe, eat the food we eat, drink the water we drink, do the things we do etc.. Why are we so harsh on them and look at them with tinted glasses?

An open society is a mature one (quote from amanda) and this just goes to show how far ours have come. Zilch. Back to zero. I'm not particularly rallying for support for these gays but just hope that people can be more understanding. There is perfectly nothing wrong with what they are doing. And just ask ourselves, how many of us are actually that forthcoming with our feelings? Like it or not, they are here to stay.

True, many of our religions do condemn this type of behaviour. However, God loves us all, be it straight or gay. So who are we to hate or condemn them? If you are picturing these two being tortured in hell by your God, then I'm sorry but I say, you have a very scary and unforgiving God.

Lastly, I'm sure some of you have gay/lesbian friends too. So why the homophobia? We are still close to them, we know them well and above all, we are friends.

Did they make a move on us? No.
Did they cause us bodily harm? No.
Did they cause us emotional/psychological distress? No.
Did they (gasp) molest us? Hell no.

So are they actually extraterrestrial lifeforms in disguise? Are they mutants now? Last time I checked, they still breathed oxygen and have not joined the X-Men.

I say freedom of speech for all (yea right, tell that to the people involved in the Danish Caricatures hoo-ha). To those who missed it, click here to find them.

Okay so i sidetracked. I just hope that the society can be more matured and open-minded. Embrace these people just like they are one of us because they are.

astrocow
07:13

Thursday, April 20, 2006

treasure it

People out there, if you haven't already realised. Friendships are seriously very fragile and please treasure whatever friends you have now. I am seriously at a lost. I'm like stuck at a dead end in the alley. It's either I blast the wall to pieces so I may be able to walk through it or I turn my back on the wall and go back the same way I came from. Which will it be? I seriously have no idea. But I'm gonna wash my hands off this I think. Let people think what they like. As long as I'm true to myself, everything will be just fine - I hope.

Just let me be.

My heart is crying everyday inside. I find it a real pity that one of 5 years can be so easily dislodged by one of 1-2 months. Sigh.

Hopefully things will work out. But I think things will never be the same again. Fuck me senseless.

Why do I have to be some conservative shit that I am? Fuck me blind.

Take me away from this mortal coil. Fuck me till I die.

Like I mentioned, I wish I was a robot. No thoughts, no feelings, no emotions.

astrocow
08:21

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

i duno wad to say. i duno who has been reading this. i duno what has been spreading around. i duno what do u people out there think. i duno what you you are trying to do. i duno why you you you you you you like to keep me in the dark. i duno how many people are around this now. i duno alot of things.

but one thing i noe for sure. you noe it too so stop coming at me. i noe trying is always good, but now is not the time. i noe i dun wanna be a hypocrite like the others, so dun make me. i noe i dun wanna blow my top at people which is why i'm here. i noe that people who do not know the full story has been talking. they tink they noe but they dun. i noe that this has gotten way outta hand. i noe that there may be people who dislike me. i noe that even as they do so, i still love 'em. i noe alot of things.

like i said before, i dun need any hypocrisy from you you or others. neither do i want any form of tt coming from me.

i duno, i noe.

i noe not wad to do.

i may have been abit harsh. i do not regret. i do not feel remorse. i may have gone overboard. but i am not wrong with what i said. i have already made my stand long before anything happened.

nothing has been spoken. you know my stand on issues like this. not that i want to interfere, but i'm sorry, it's just too close for comfort.

i'm sorry that things have got to come to such a point.

oh and trust me, i noe.

astrocow
15:46

Congratulations

for realising your potential. Level 99. Does 9999 damage without fail. Game over.

Now don't be sad, all of this shit is just plain ol' crap. I was never part of this game anyway. All of your minds have been lead astray.

I just want to be happy. I hope you've been looking.

astrocow
15:34

Friday, April 14, 2006

WTF?!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwTsM6KXiUU

(shen) weiming jus gave me this link. hilarious to say to least.

astrocow
15:10

(eight legged) freaks?

plenty to blog about after a few days of inactivity. shall split them into diff sections and keep it as brief as possible..

Spidey's Adventure

i can't rem which day was it but reckon it was bout 2 days ago. 'twas around 3am when i got tired of studying in the tutorial room and decided to go for a run. back in the room, did abit of surfing and suddenly this gigantic spidey crawled out from nowhere - when i say crawl, it was really crawling!! all eight legs were in motion and u could see the movement, was totally creepy man!! still gives me goosebumps when i tink bout it. Not that i'm one who's afraid of creepy crawlies but this one really gave me a shock. It was huge to say the least, 4cm by 4cm i reckon. The picture is a scaled down one because it was already starting to shrink after being hit by my "Pringles" can. LOL. Good ol' trusty chips. "Once u pop, u can't stop", anyone?

Re-style now

hair grew too long and i couldnt spike it anymore. Been lookin for a new style for a couple of days and finally decided to style it as i did in JC towards the end. Unkempt yet with a touch of order. I duno, might do sumthing else with regards to the styling, not very satisfied yet. Don't ask me why i ain't cutting it, u'll find out soon enough.

Talking Point

Like everyone else, i shall talk bout the upcoming elections. Read the papers this morn and the first thing i saw was some upgrading article. "Realty Park to be upgraded only if they get at least 60% of the votes" or sumthing lidat la. Read a few lines and i flipped through it immediately, not really keen on reading wad the party has in mind cos it's all so standard. I mean they keep using this as ways of drawing votes, how can the opposition party ever match that? Dun get me wrong, i'm not some anti-PAP punk. I'm jus slightly put off by wad's happening. Ain't gonna talk more bout this, ask me for comments if u wish. Dun wanna get myself into trouble for nothing.

My Life

Last but not least, lemme tok bout my own pathetic life. I wouldnt say its boring cos much has been happening and keeping me entertained(?). Things are going on and they tink i duno wad has been happening. Or rather wad they haf been doing. Mind you, my IQ may be low but i'm certainly not spaz (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, it seems like you are enjoying wad you are doing so go on. I'm just gonna ignore. Remember wad i said about the "potential"? Congrats, you are advancing well my dear. Small little things count alot to me but i certainly do not need any pretence, any "generosity" at all. Taking pity on me? I need nothing of that sorts. Bugger off now. Strayed off a lil', sorry. Bringing things back, if u like wad u do den do wad u like. Maybe it really is just me. Times are a changing and maybe i'm not, maybe i'm just too stagnant in this fast-paced world. I need a getaway.

astrocow
14:32

Monday, April 10, 2006

enough is enough

i'm a...

need i say more? nothing goes in anyway. and to the other party, perhaps this is what u've been waiting for, i duno. it aint the first time anyway. deja vu.

besides all these. i was doing some random surfing in the library this morning. came by this trailer for a new show, not sure if u peeps heard bout it but i havent so it was kinda like a pleasant surprise. =) the show is called "Take The Lead". Its bout this dance teacher who takes charge of a bunch of students serving detention. erm, the lead is Antonio Banderas anw and he looks absolutely charming in the trailer man. Even if u guys dun actually watch the show, u hafta check out the trailer at the very least, let's hope it doesnt disappoint. the show's somewhat like a cross between Coach Carter and Honey haha i tink i'll love the show. Any takers? check out the website here

astrocow
22:15

Saturday, April 08, 2006

shoot me

it feels as tho somebody jus shot me right there. i'm really letting it get to me now, it really pisses me off on how some pple have such issues with commitment. like i said before, behave yourself moron. u're lucky to have wadeva u have now, can't u just be bloody contented and stop stirring shit all over the place. don't fucking tell me its unintentional and you don't noe tt this is happening. u know it urself.

fuck.

blogging just aint nuff for me to let it off. i gotta do something soon.

BANG!!

p.s.: it's not you i'm talking bout in case u were wondering

astrocow
05:38

Thursday, April 06, 2006

IQ Breakdown

Hawk, your IQ score is 113.
Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.The way you think about things makes you a Complex Intellectual. This means you are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others you are a highly conceptual and complex thinker and are able to understand information in an abstract form. You also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something you're not good at.

Your top scores are in the areas of Reasoning, Logical, and Visual. This is a very unusual combination — only 6 in 1,000 people have it.

Abstract Reasoning Ability - 97/100
Logical Ability - 97/100
Visual Ability - 93/100
Verbal Ability - 92/100
Numerical Ability - 92/100
Organizational Ability - 88/100
Spatial Ability - 88/100
Mechanical Ability - 62/100

Dammit man, feel like a total dumbass after taking this test. Yejie and ya'en scored 13-sumthings whereas my score is like crap even tho the analysis makes u feel like u're some smarty pants. and notice this, my mechanical ability is 62!! how does tt coincide with me taking up an engineering course huh? =p

Take the quiz here. Look for the link that says "The Super IQ Test".

astrocow
13:06

frens scored 13-sumthing

Your Thinking Style Is

Complex Intellectual

Your IQ score is 113. This means that you are smarter than 81.0% of all other Super IQ test takers.

This number is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on the Tickle Super IQ Test.

But there's more to intelligence than a single number, a single score, or a single label. Tickle uses 8 distinguishable dimensions of intelligence in the Super IQ Test. By analyzing your individual scores on those 8 scales, we are able to look beyond the raw IQ score into how you process information, and which intellectual strengths you're best at.

Your test results indicate that the way you process information makes you a Complex Intellectual.

You are highly intelligent and talented in two critical areas: math and language. While others may be skilled at one, you are exceptional at both. Your ability to understand theoretical or abstract information and your attention to detail only make your mathematical and linguistic skills stronger. You are a highly conceptual, complex thinker.

Because of your numerous intellectual abilities, you probably rarely come across something you're not good at. You are a quick study and so have a tendency to look for and find the deeper meaning in things. You might intellectualize a situation or muse about its layers of complexity, making grand-scale associations. While others are relieved to have tangible, concrete information to work with, you may find yourself easily bored and so you seek more intellectual content.

Here's an example of your Complex Intellectual thinking skills at work in a real-life situation:

You go to a play with a bunch of friends. You recognize that some of the lines from the play are highly similar to a play you read a long time ago in school. Not only that, but you also notice that the play is structured in such a way that those types of lines occur in every other scene in the play. You are excited by your revelations and start explaining this to your friends. You want to go out for coffee and talk about what it all might mean, and whether the author intended it to be this way. Others might be more inclined to talk about the costumes or other more obvious elements of the play, and you shouldn't take this too personally. Your insights are definitely valuable, so don't stop sharing them — just be aware that you might occasionally receive some blank stares. Thank goodness you think the way you do!

astrocow
12:35

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

immense eyesore

stitch me up like a voodoo doll, put on me wings that can never soar. i'm a one-winged angel who has fallen far from grace, would you look me in the face? my wings, are they for real and one of the few? if it's the latter, den wad's the matter? come forth, stifle thy goth.

eachdayttpassesmeby,it'slikeaneedleprickingmyeye.how longcanitakethis,thisever-growingpainttgrowsstrongerwitheach day.imaybeemo,othersmaynotfollow.notthaticare,ijusneeduto share-withmethehopeuwantmetohaf.itmaybescary,butplsdonotbe wary.dunbesosureunlessiruffleurfur.

andyou,mysupposedfren.inoenotwadtosay.youhafdisappointedme timeandagain.itmaynotmattertoyou,butlikei'vementioned countlesstimes,canupleasemotherfuckingbehave?livewithit?i'mafraidican't.i'mgladimadethecorrectchoice.

wad else can i say for i've fallen and here to stay. acceptance, rejection, desertion, betrayal, belonging, confusion. i need to do this, the dance of eternity to bring myself back to reality. who can truly grasp the meaning of it all?

return me my wings

astrocow
17:27

sleepless in hall 3

i gotta track back a pretty long way for this.

let me start off from last thursdae. woke up at around 2, stayed awake through the nite to study for the chemistry quiz on fridae.

come fridae, went for quiz and stuff. met ya'en and yejie at the library to study, was feeling kinda fucked but for obvious reasons i shall not state why here. ok so it was until about 3pm cos both of them did not sleep the nite before and were too shagged to carry on studying. went to work in the evening, got back around 1 plus after getting supper for ya'en, yejie and yongjie. finished supper and i continued to stay awake to do this effective comm presentation due on tuesdae. slpt at 6-7am in the morn! WHOOPING 41HOURS of no slp! and it wasnt like i was playing or wad. I was studying and working!! OMG, suoer amazed by myself. even tho i downed like almost 4 cups of kopi peng thru the 2nd nite haha.

saturday, woke up at 12 cos i was supposed to meet chengwei to talk bout some hall stuff. he's coming to NTU this year! hmm and met up with daniel after tt to do abit of planning and discussion. he sent me back thereafter. slacked for a while and left for Eric's house. it's been aeons since i last met up with the guys from my sec sch CCA - NPCC. was awesome to see them again. really loads to say but am not in the right frame of mind to do so now. went back hall at about 11. met alvin to pass him the fags and he mentioned he wanted to come and take a look at the new hall so we walked back. talked and crapped thru the night, doing some DJ-ing of our own ahah blasted loud music and did sumthing like a "cannon" with yejie's laptop and mine. LOL. ok so din slp again .

sunday, went to play soccer at the old NIE at bukit timah. Mark was hilariously hilarious, acting like a kid ahah. weather was atrociously atrocious (pardon the lousy use of adjectives). went for lunch at JP. headed back to sch, fell aslp at bout 3pm. so if u figure, it was like 6hrs of slp in 73 hrs. I AM CRAZY!!

mondae, slept all the way till 1045 for physics quiz. had calvin not woke me up, i reckon i'd haf slpt thru all the way longer. tt made 20 hrs of slp lol. and here i am again, most probably not gonna slp cos i'm studying for maths quiz tml and preparing for the effective comm presentation tml.

sigh, a tired man's posts are absolutely but i jus wanted to show the extremes of me. slping AND not slping.

astrocow
03:49