if i only knew what regret meant
yes, you're just listening to my boring rants
Friday, January 27, 2006
ok dunno how well/bad the surgery went but things sumhow just doesnt look too good.. this pic was taken last evening, fingers are swollen as u can see... sigh
this is the plaster that was put over the wound on my right hand where they injected the anaesthetic... lost quite abit of blood it seems... tt wound has closed alr tho..
now this is the finale, tink u can't really see it but fingers are more swollen than yest.. i mean just look at the joints, where have they gone?! and my index finger is swollen plus slight bruising.. jus wad is happening?please lemme get thru this... i promise to be good.. haha well mebbe i'll try at least lol.
astrocow
11:51
Thursday, January 26, 2006
heading off to tan tock seng now... wish me luck... damn, really getting more afraid as the hour draws near... will it all go smoothly or cock up like my life in all of my 21 uneventful years?time will tell
astrocow
07:51
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Your connection with darkness is because you are
evil. Yes, dear quiztaker, you have evil
within you. Lots of it. What makes you
different from the rest of the results is
that your evil is pure. I'm guessing you are
a sadistic person too. All people on this
earth, according to you, doesn't deserve to
live like they do and be happy. No, you want
to see them at your feet, obeying you until
they die. You are not a people person, unless
they function as your slaves, and you look
down on everyone else... Lonely on the top,
eh?
What is your connection with darkness? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla.
chill man, my actual result's below...
read at ur own peril.
Your connection with darkness is through your hate.
It's burning from the inside and you feel it
strongly everyday. All kinds of things make
you hate; the governmate, teachers/the boss,
students in school/work, family etc. Well,
you feel like the world and everyone in it
hates you, so you hate it and everyone back.
You probaly don't like changes since nothing
good ever comes out of them. Though your hate
is big, you can still have a soft spot in
your heart for someone. You're not numb or
anything, your problem lies in that you feel
too much. Life is too damn complicated, isn't
it?
astrocow
18:07
have been bugging my sister to bring back the CD by susan wong but hell, was she taking her own sweet time. since we (weiming, zhenhao and limin) were heading down to jurong point anw, decided to get the CD myself instead.
ended up getting 2 CDs instead of the one that i was searching for. the one above is by Emi Fujita. Rembrandt Day is the album name. don't tink u can find any of her songs on the net cos apparently its all protected by copyright stuff.. was first introduced to it by edwin, my coolest buddy when i was serving my time in Airforce Sch.
next up, the long awaited one. These Foolish Things by Susan Wong. Amazing vocals i must say, or at least i really liked it alot when i first heard it while my sister was listening to it. Tho this wasnt the disc that my sister had, figured it'd be smarter for me to get sumthing we dun alr haf. =p
okok, now pple who noe me might be wondering am i serious. like i actually listen to songs from this kinda genre. i for one, listen to ALL genres and i noe that this choice would definitely surprise many. as were the twits who went with me todae. lol
and it reiterated the fact that pple nowadaes tend to judge pple mainly on their appearance. and definitely when it comes to MY appearance, many will tink i'm a party animal etc etc.. tink twice before u even tink dumbos. u tink u noe me, u dunno me so dun act like u freaking noe goddamnit.
sway to the beat, feel the heat, i aint no geek, u bloody freak
getting mixed feelings now, my operation's on thursday... seriously crossing my fingers real hard now and praying that everything will go on smoothly.. so i can take part in the IH dance comp in a couple weeks time. really having doubts tt i can recover tt fast..
satan bless me
astrocow
01:30
Monday, January 23, 2006
oh man gotten another nasty eye infection, dunno wad from but i've been getting them so often now
tink i'll prob go blind soon damnit
yea so was at DXO yest to perform, wearing clothes from this label called FP2. their clothes really kinda sucked but the jeans are pretty alright tho.
and was at momo last thurs for another competition but there were only 3 teams - us, the guys from UPLA and Eurythmics (girls from SMU). we got first! ahaha really lucky i guess cos Eurythmics kinda sent in their juniors and UPLA had only 4 guys with them tt nite.
ok so this is it, not really in the mood to type much cos of my wretched eye.
mood: really bad
astrocow
00:09
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
jus came back from lessons, awfully shagged out...
was jus walking back thru canteen a and saw this band performing, pretty cool guys and tink they're all students now in NTU.
now that i see them, suddenly had a thought spring into my mind
i'm alr 21 yrs old, turning 22 this year
yet wad haf i achieved in life?
yes no doubt its true that i've been heavily involved in alot of activites since sec sch days
i dun tink i ever excelled at any
why is it so saddening?
pple my age are alr doing all sorts of big things
but i'm still me, the same old me
tell me wad i gotta do to make it different
to make a difference
or do u beg to differ?
oh and computing lessons were kinda crap too
wad kinda "language" do u call C++?
it aint no freaking comprehensible language by all means!!
astrocow
13:46
Monday, January 16, 2006
| Your Hair Should Be Orange |
 |
been missing too many lessons, desperately need to catch up fast...
i'm still living in oblivion
jus how many pple really care bout my existence
my innate feelings
my desires in life
why issit tt i always seem to be indulging in self pity
i need to get out of this fast
crash n burn muthafucker
astrocow
20:05
i hate myself
i lack courage, i'm a coward
i am not wad i seem to be
i am such a fool
why did i not speak when i should haf
i do not comprehend
the things that happen
should i even try
will it even matter at the end of it all
den again, would it haf made a difference?
why am i always procrastinating
to do the things that should have been done
or should they?
i need to find myself
no matter wad, i'm still me
will that really be the best way out
maybe i'll be too afraid to face him
maybe it'll be a good thing afterall
maybe i'll detest him
maybe i'll love him
and i hate me
maybe, just maybe
one day i'll find a note on my table
"note to self: i hate you too"
astrocow
04:47
Saturday, January 14, 2006
jus shifted over to the new hall yest night and finally went for my first Modern Jazz prac after god knows how long... dun even tink patrick remembers who the hell i am... totally sucked at practice today, my chances of getting into UPLA are fading man, this is crap... maybe i really need to take up classes outside but that would mean spending, yet again... sigh, why does everything have to involve money??!! is money all people can tink of?
rushed back to hall straight after prac to move hall cos sanjay was waiting with weiming and i felt so bad cos they waited for me for so long, sorry dudes but i told u guys to go ahead without me alr!! haha but guess being the nice guys they are, they did wad was right lol.
so today went to meet azlan and decided that i wun join his team for the anti-drug competition cos his bunch of peeps are jus too atrocious, i'm not saying that my dancing's fantastic but theirs is absolutely horrendous. i wun mind helping them out with the choreo tho, but that's where i'm gonna stop at. good luck guys. =p
went down to ngee ann city to watch the semis for funka and felt kinda sad again cos my own team was booted out in the prelims, wanted to perform there so badly but oh well tink i jus hafta wait till next year, one whole freakin year... gonna use this time to brush myself up. anyhow saw josh and his team Chroma-X and i wanted them to get in but it was not meant to be, they had a few screw ups with their props - umbrellas. still tink that they should haf gotten in tho, instead of the one from Eusoff Hall. their dance was not totally crap but definitely wasnt as good as josh's.
tink sex does sell.
i wanna haf the ability to dance
to put everybody else in a trance
when they see me on the floor
i want them to roar
their throats hoarse
only for my cause
and nothing else will appease me
other than having the crowd freeze
astrocow
00:10
Thursday, January 12, 2006
i want to move
i need to move
this place is like a ghost town now
my roomie doesnt want to move
my roomie is too lazy to move
and i can't jus leave him alone now
or can i?
why are they so nonchalant
this place is becoming such a rotten nest
only when i've moved den i can really rest
azlan called again, said he needed help. wanted me to help him dance for this anti-drug competition thingy. it's at the end of the month for goodness sake, how am i supposed to catch up? but i'm quite interested tho, tink i'll jus go down on friday to take a look at their choreo. hope it's decent at least.
i'm tired from god knows what
i'm tired but it aint ur fault
i'm waiting for the world to fall
i'm waiting for the scene to change
i'm waiting when the colors come
i'm waiting to let my world come undone
when I catch the light of falling stars i feel ever so free
my view is changing me
i'm waiting for the world to fall
and into ur arms i will crawl
astrocow
00:11
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
At this moment there are over 6 billion people in the world
Some are running scared
Some are going home
Some tell lies to make it through the day
Others are just facing the truth
Some are evil men at war with good
And some are good struggling with evil
Some are killing
Some are being slashed
Six billion people in the world
Six billion souls
And sometimes,
All you need is one
So who can tell me where is she?
astrocow
06:19
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
ok had my first lab lesson yest, some perspective drawing stuff. tho i suck at drawing, but i must say its the most interesting lab lesson u can ever get. so u were like supposed to draw a layout of the room and mine looked like crap in the end.
yea so there u go, my crappy drawing. ok and this time unlike the previous semester, we were to go to another drawing room so i had expected that they would provide long rulers and stuff like that but hell NO, i had to draw the entire piece using the 15cm ruler i had, argh... after my lessons, went to hand up the forms for me to shift hall but the wretched hall office refused to gimme the cards saying that they need to process duno wadeva shit. and me being me, tot that it was kinda reasonable seeing the long queue outside. but later in the evening melvin told me that he actually got the keys even when he handed in the form later than me!! hall office is seriously so screwed up. well but at least my internet connection is back to normal.
ok to the drunk portion, beng called and asked if i wanted to go down MOS before zhengyan flies off todae. but we had a change of plan later cos it was getting late and they jus wanted to hang out drink instead. so me n yejie headed down to ink bar at swissotel only to find that the whole bunch of them were already kinda pissed from all the drinking beforehand. sometimes i do wonder why do pple make themselves so drunk? isnt the whole point of drinking jus to get high and not drunk? can't they control their limits and know when to stop drinking? but anyhow, it was really funny to see all of them drunk and start spilling secrets about one another, it was totally hilarious i tell ya. so supper was up next and we headed down to newton. on the way back home, weiming actually puked in the cab! gawd the whole cab was smelling of his merlion spit after that, how gross, argh...
yea weiming, cannot drink den dun drink so much la, hahaha
so got back hall and slept at bout 4plus 5am and i had to wake up at 10am today to go for Modern Jazz pracs which i haven been goin for aeons, really hope that i'll be included in their performance but tink chances are not high definitely cos i cant even get the steps now, grah i really suck man...
I noe i'm jumping here and there but i've been tinking
It's so easy to buy gratification these days.
I could buy 10 Tequila Pops to get myself intoxicated.
I could buy a new wardrobe to make myself bright and shiny.
I could buy a new face if my own gets to me.
But it's just so difficult to make another understand. The reason why I do what I do.
How do u define wad's real and wad's not now?
astrocow
15:12
Monday, January 09, 2006
ok this is gonna be long
first funka was on sat and tink we kinda screwed up big time. other teams were kinda strong and comparatively we really lost out alot on technique and choreo wise. tink it wasnt really peter's fault but after seeing so many teams, i tot that the jazz part for our dance was really one of the reasons why we din get thru to the semis. tt besides the point, our dance that day really lacked the strength and power tt we usuall haf when we practice. no idea why it turned out tt way either, was probably the stage jitters and first time performing. no crowd cheered for us either but really haf to thank the pple who went down to support: zhao, felix, darren, joleen, guanjun, yunting, peiru, cindy, ryan and others who i might haf left out lol. oh cherlyn was there too and i was really shocked to see her there, cos she rushed down straight after a frenly match, was happy that she could come down and see... love ya to bits babe
ok so my sis did turn up in the end, but too late to catch the performance, only in time to listen to the results.
after seeing so many teams, i definitely tot that my first funka was good exposure and kind made me realised wad a bad dancer i really am. next year will be different, i swear to become a much better dancer and make everybody in the arena noe my name.
oh and by the way i dyed my hair white lol, as usual it shocked everybody and i tink it looks kinda ugly tho. lol shit man, dunno wad the others will say when i go for my lessons tml haha but wat the hell i dun care anyway.
oh and i finally saw sawah for the first time face to face but din tok to her tho cos she looked real busy preparing for her dance too, din wanna disturb. gawd her eyes are really BBeEEEeeG.. haha daphne from singapore idol was there too, dancing for NRA-Indie Dolls. the team jus before mine.
next up, kinda screwed up registration for my subjects. fucking hall office cut away the internet connection for my hall so now i'm actually at canteen b using the wireless. ok i'm digressing but yah, no more internet so i couldnt check the GEs offered to me and today's the freaking daeadline, so i missed it and i'm screwed. wat the hell.
oh and MJ's gonna be performing later this month and i dunno any of the steps yet, prob gotta go down on tues to try and catch up
lucky nicole's with me too lol, she din go for any of the pracs the whole hols either, so guess the 2 of us will be screwed together.
yah and yada yada yada, there u haf it, wad a wonderful 2006 i haf so far
FUCK YEAH
astrocow
00:29
Friday, January 06, 2006
have been trying to log on to the damn MSN since evening
duno wad the hell is going on, but simply jus cant log in to the service
fucking fed up
DAMNIT jus get me in for goodness sake!!!
jus came back from funka prac not too long ago again
we were discussing some stuff regarding the steps and nobody seems to be listening to my comments
i was like WTH, why ask in the first place if u're not bothered to listen?
kinda pissed, but jus hafta get on with the prac
jus 2 days away from the competition now, kinda surprised that nicole actually called to ask bout it jus now...
hope that i can get back to the Modern Jazz pracs soon too after funka, but den again, may not be that soon either cos of the operation coming up soon..
i hate my life
astrocow
03:01
Thursday, January 05, 2006
been browsing thru the blogs of my frens the past few days
kinda realised how much i've distanced myself from them while they are all still actively in contact with one another
i'm so sorry peeps, but it's not tt i'm doing this on purpose... just that i really haf other things in my life tt i'm preoccupied with.
i would love to be as close as possible to u guys but i guess sumtimes things jus do not go according to plan.
or perhaps i'm jus one who's destined to haf plenty of frens but never a close one.
is that so? as i reflect upon my past 21 years of living, i did haf opportunities to haf some really close frens, bosom buddies or wadeva u call them. guess i busted the chance each time.
i'm such a bastard, i hate myself...
funka's drawing real near now, getting kinda nervous as the days count down...
my sister had originally promised me that she'll be down to support but jus got news from her today tt she wun be able to make it this sat.
DUN FUCKING MAKE EMPTY PROMISES U CAN'T FULFILL
so far havent really gotten any frens to go down and support me for my first real dance competition, really hope that somebody will surprise me...
onto dancing, i'm really hating my wretched hand now. i want it to recover fast so i can get back to breaking but it's really not meant to be cos i'm scheduled for an operation on the 26th this month, hope nothing goes wrong... *fingers crossed*
really disgusted with how tan tock seng has handled my case thus far and hope they wun disappoint me again.
astrocow
04:25
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
ooh havent been back here for so long, but guess nobody cares either
wanted to go MOS for countdown actually, but the queue was so freakin long tt we were still standing at the very same spot after an hour... i was like WTH man, it was only 8pm for goodness sake!
change of plan: went down to ngee ann city instead. looked pretty empty initially but the crowd started to fill in at around 10plus 11.
music was good at the start but started to screw up after they had a change of DJs.
picked up again after another change of shifts.
helluva mats and minahs tho, not tt i haf anything against them, but they were like showing off their "moves"... wad moves? no technique, not power, no nothing and pple all arnd were jus standing around watching like dumbfucks... and even admiring them.
i tried to get azlan down to ngee ann city to join me so we could battle those shitheads together but wad a pity, tt dude was heading down to chijmes instead, so oh well...
next on, the girls... there was this one particular biatch who claims to be 15 and i do believe her after i talked to a few others tt nite, but more of tt later.
ok this ger "chanel", she was like hooking on to everysingle guy in her vicinity, i was like OMFG...
wad on earth happened to the girls these daes? haf they no sense of decency? WTF man, times haf changed and not jus for this particular "Chanel" but i see many girls around who are jus totally erm.. shall i jus put it simply - BITCHES. wadeva happened to their morals?
ok pple who noe me will prob laff at me when they see this cos i'm really quite a party animal, but still outside of tt life, i haf my principles that i strongly believe in and in fact, perhaps pretty much old fashioned. yada yada... blah blah blah.. fuck it, tink nobody really cares anyway. shall i conform or shall i remain an antique? GRaHH...
another thing is tt, there were alarming numbers of girls who were underaged there! not tt i mind tho, but dun the pple at the gates check? those tt i spoke to at least, were all under 18.. ok mebbe it's jus coincidence, but u get my point.
wadeva it is, the nite was a good one on the whole for me and i danced like mad even tho beng, lizei, yang and derek sometimes left me alone as they went to catch a breather. i'm a dance freak!
speaking of which, funka is this coming sat!!! as excited as i am, i'm kinda nervous too... it's like a make or break day for us... all the practices would really go down the drain if we screw it up tt day... wish us good luck man
laters
2006 ushers in another brand new devil for me
the devil squashes all others like a flea
slit my throat and grind the wound
your impossible ego makes me swoon
now who can rock a crooked rhyme like this
bring it to you everytime like this
step up now, step step up
and let the devil consume you entirely
astrocow
04:12
friendster
cathay
golden village
shaw
too lazy to link anymore
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